I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
