guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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