She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
