So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
