I'm going to jail i love you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
