Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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