u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
