Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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