I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
