Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
