You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
