Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
