and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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