The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
