Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
