i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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