She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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