He told me they were just razor bumps!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
