the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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