After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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