Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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