they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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