It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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