my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize