I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
