I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
