Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
