my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
