I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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