Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
