i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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