Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
