Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
