I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
