Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
