You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
