Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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