my phone needs a breathalizer
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
