i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
