I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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