Fuck appropriateness.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
