Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
