I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
