I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
