Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She needs sedatives and a leash
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
