Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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