Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
