Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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