I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
