Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize