Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
