One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
