I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
its not stalking. its research.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
