I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
