On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
