Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
