He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
