***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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