As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize