So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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