You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
