I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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