Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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