I think i sorta joined a cult last night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
