all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
