We named our party play list daddy issues
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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