Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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